Pat's Asterisk

Wait . . . Wait . . . Don't Tell Me!

2012-01-16T22:24:00.000-06:00

Another Monday finished! What a day. Co-workers were all in a great frame of mind. Patrons were fun. And the day went quickly. What more can a librarian ask?

Oh, right--more books! And they arrived. My day is complete. We received some goodies, too. Half a dozen children's books about the Titanic. Down to the Bone by Justina Robson comes to mind. It's book 5 in her Quantum Gravity series. It appears, to me, to be a combination fantasy, sci-fi, and the undead. Should be a hit with our ParaNormal book club.

Oh, I never mentioned that the Hiawatha Public Library has another book club? It's for people who love anything with a "bite." Come to Hiawatha on the second Thursday of the month at 6:30 for a bit of blood.

Today is Appreciate a Dragon Day.
Wednesday, January 18 is Pooh Day.
Thursday, January 19 is Tin Can Day AND the anniversary of Edgar Allen Poe's birthday.
Friday, January 20 is the day Aquarius begins.
Saturday, January 21 is International Fetish Day and National Hugging Day.
Sunday, January 22 is Answer Your Cat's Question Day.

Good luck with all of these holidays. It could be a fun week!

Absurdly,
Pat

2012-01-09T15:23:00.000-06:00

E-books! I love my E-reader. Convenient, user-friendly . . . wait! Did I say user-friendly? Well, they are, if you are tech-savvy.

When my best friend was in college I would walk into his computer lab and all of the computers would crash. I would leave and they would work again. I would walk into the lobby of the building housing the main-frame computer (it was a very long time ago!) and the system would crash. (Please realize that this is a major disaster, as everyone was working off of the main frame. There were no PCs.)

I was chased out of more buildings than I could count. I was banned from even thinking about visiting people at work. I was required to write my programs in long-hand and have someone else type the Hollerith cards. When we bought our first Apple computer in '84, Len wouldn't let me in the living room for 3 days. Sigh.

Don't you think it's hilarious, then, that I am the IT person at the Hiawatha Public Library? And the goto person for many of the e-reader questions? ROTFL!

So, back to e-readers--I love them! As long as you are tech-savvy.

Wednesday, January 10, is Peculiar People Day. And Friday the 13th is Blame Someone Else Day.

Absurdly,
Pat

A Change of Plans

2012-01-01T18:20:00.000-06:00

I had a pithy blog typed out for this first day of 2012. Something about understanding each other, trying to get along, patience for the foibles of others.

But then, I couldn't get logged onto Blogger.com. I tried my work email address. I tried my personal email address, I tried my gmail address. I tried all three with various passwords. I tried them standing up. I tried them sitting down. I tried them standing on my head. Nothing. Sob!

Help, Blogger, Help! Nothing. When lo and behold, I stumbled (not to be confused with the Stumble web-site) upon the solution. Use an old, defunct email address as my login. Who'd a thunk?

So much for pithy. After all that, pithy would only get me banned from blogging again. My pithiness would be of the invective sort. It certainly would be short and full of vigor.

Ah, to be vigorously pithy. To be forceful and full on meaning and expression. And, alas, banned from future use of the library's website.

Oh, by the way, tomorrow is National Buffet Day and Happy Mew Year for Cats Day. I wonder if the cats get their own buffet. Just askin'.

Absurdly,
Pat

Web Site Training

2011-02-03T19:34:00.001-06:00

All Right! Far Out! Woot!

All of these and more. I attended a Plone training session today at the State Library of Iowa in beautiful Des Moines. In addition to the library being one of the coolest looking buildings, I received lessons on building my own web-site.

I love our current site. It has everything that a librarian could want--great layout, ease of use, current information. Everything except the ability to change information at a moment's notice. Len does a fabulous job, but he has a life, too, and can't always drop everything just to fix our web-site. Besides, I don't remember it being part of the vows--to have and to hold, in sickness and in web-site just doesn't sound right. Does it?

Yes, the new site will have a new look. I hope, though, to keep the layout attractive and easy to use. I know that everyone at the library will help with critiquing my work. I am looking forward to it.

I'm also worried! Well, it least concerned--that's not the same as worried. I want to do the best job that I possibly can. Here's hoping! I'll keep you updated.

Now, to the important information:February 2 is National Create a Vacuum Day; February 9 is National Toothache Day (let's skip this one); February 10 is National Umbrella Day (Brolly to our UK friends); and February 16 is National Do a Grouch a Favor Day.

Now, here in Iowa we were just overwhelmed with snow. It's not unusual, I know. But there is, on February 20, National Hoodie Hoo Day. It's for those of us who need a boost toward spring. At high noon everyone yells "Hoodie-Hoo" to chase away winter and make way for spring.

Well, it can't hurt and it just might help! No different than Groundhog Day, now is it?

Absurdly,
Pat

Time Flies

2011-01-12T21:21:00.000-06:00

Time sure flies when you're having fun. Or, as I prefer, time is fun when you're having flies. (Credit to Kermit D. Frog)

We are still putting radio frequency ID tags on all of our library materials at work. I think that the volume has slowed, but I have a feeling that we will be doing this for the next 6 months or so. We should have most of them completed by the end of February. At least I hope so.

Len installed a new RFID pad on a desk tonight, so we are one step closer to being ready for Self-Check. Wish us luck!

I am taking a class at the State Library to learn how to build the library web-site using a content management program called Plone. I'm pretty pumped about it. The first round offers two classes in February and then another advanced class later in the spring. Look out, world, I'm in a new groove!

This week is "Cuckoo Dancing Week" and next week is "Hunt for Happiness Week." Who can resist next week. I do know some people who could use it.

Tomorrow is "Rubber Ducky Day," one of my personal favorites. Friday is "Dress Up Your Pet Day" and I really do know someone who does dress their dog. I hate to admit it, but it's adorable in addition to being warm. (Remember, it's only 5 degrees here!)

And last but not least, January 22, 2011 is "Answer Your Cat's Questions Day." I can't wait. By the way, good luck with that!

Absurdly,
Pat

New Year's Eve 2010

2010-12-31T21:42:00.000-06:00

It doesn't seem like 10 years have passed since the Y2K hysteria. Armageddon didn't happen then. I guess that I will wait until 2012 to see the world implode sometime during that year. Or not.

Our library has seen some fabulous changes this year. We have a new pay-per-use photocopier, which saves the staff about 400 cash transactions per week; we have moved our computer reservation station just a bit away from the staff desk, sort of forcing patrons to find their own answers; we are 97% with moving toward a self-checkout system; and we had an alarm system installed that is connected directly to the fire station. Wow. What a year.

On the down side--the alarm system has a grounding problem and every time we have rain or a thaw the alarm sounds at the alarm company and a staff member gets a phone call--usually during the wee hours of the night. This, though, will soon be

rectified.

Secondly, we once again have a vandal destroying a window in the library. Why? I don't have an answer.

However, on the eve of the New Year, I am going to forget all the strife, all of the angst, all of the discord. The Hiawatha Public Library will begin this year with peace and tranquility. Technology will ease our way and we will become the perfect, smooth-running team about which we dream.

Here's to you, 2011! May the force be with us all!

Absurdly,
Pat

You Go Well With Brie

2010-12-17T00:03:00.000-06:00

We aren’t required to question each and every action committed during an hour, a day, a week, a year. We don’t need look beyond the obvious—a question is simply a question, not an inquisition; a statement of preference is merely that, not an argument to be agonized over, to be bitterly queried into the mud and muck of interpersonal relationships. An error, easily fixed, needn’t be a topic of continued resentment and hostility.

Look beyond the sandpaper of day-to-day living. Move past the minor aggravations of the daily abrasions of personalities. Remember each of us mirrors the other—that we all have hurts and sorrows and apprehensions. We also contain joy and delight and simple fun.

Celebrate the fun. Forget the exasperations. Do your job and do not criticize another. For you are the same person—complete with joy, delight and aggravations.

Do not upset the dragon, for you are crunchy and go well with Brie.

Absurdly,
Pat

Hokey movies

2010-12-06T22:02:00.000-06:00

I love hokey movies, like "Van Helsing." You have a gorgeous hero (Hugh Jackman), a creepy, but gorgeous Dracula (Richard Roxburgh), a totally ridiculous Mr. Hyde and a pretty decent heroine (Kate Beckinsale.) And who could not love Carl, played by David Wenham. "Why does it smell like wet dog in here?" "Werewolf." "Then you'll need these!"

Even Dracula's brides represent all that is good in low budget movies--sexy and dumb minions of the bad guy.

What other movies do I love? Kitschy, of course. The first "Pirates of the Caribbean"; "National Treasure"; "Dirty Dancing" (though I don't admit to that in public!);the first "Matrix"; Errol Flynn swashbuckling flicks; "Court Jester"; and so many more.

Why do I watch these crazy, mindless pieces of celluloid? Because they are good fun. I do goofy very well.

Don't ask me to watch slap-stick, or dumb and dumber, or people urinating against a wall. Nope. Leaves me cold.

Absurdly,
Pat

There is a Guest Posting on my Blog Today

2010-12-02T20:03:00.000-06:00

This post is brought to you by the letter "F" and the number "55." It is also a guest post written by Len.

"I love to play with words. I love the little ambiguities of the English language. Especially newspaper headlines. Today's paper had the headline, "Extra pounds raise risk for premature death." A "premature" death? Do deaths have an aging process? Are there "mature" deaths? Can we pick little, green, unripe deaths from the death trees, pack them in air-tight, nitrogen-filled Harvestore(tm) silos until we need them? Then, bring them out and set them on the kitchen counter to ripen? What if we don't use them while they're ripe? Will they go bad? Can we avoid these rotten deaths by their smell? Or by the little skul-shaped death-flies buzzing around? Words are fun."

Some day I will post his Haiku to incorrect spelling.

Absurdly,
Pat and Len

Still crazy after all these months

2010-11-27T23:35:00.002-06:00

Actually, I should say "Still absurd after all these months."

I want to apologize to anyone following my blog. There has been nothing to follow and I am remiss to those who became regular readers. No excuses. Let's move on.

What absurdities are happening in my world these days? Hmm. It's easier to write what is not absurd. Really.

At the library we have begun so many technical upgrades that I don't have time to write procedures for them all. We have a new photocopier with a self-serve payment machine; a new program for patrons to print from their computers; we now have a debit/credit card machine; and will soon be getting a self-check machine that needs to have an electronic tag stuck onto every item in the library (45,000 items!). Help!

Now--onto HOLIDAYS! Woot!
November 28 is . . . . Make Your Own Head Day
November 29 is . . . . Square Dance Day
November 30 is . . . . Stay At Home Because You're Well Day

Actually, While November 30 claims my favorite spot, November 28 sure has me intrigued. What in the world does "Make Your Own Head" mean? I think that I will claim it for make your own head of beer. That, at least, seems to be the safest interpretation. You are all welcome to come up with your own. However, if you post them, they need to read at a public library! So, keep it clean, everyone!

"Square Dance Day" is so totally nostalgic--Len and I (yes, this is truly absurd) square danced when we lived in Rolla, Missouri. We did our circle lefts and our do-si-dos and our load the boats with great vigor. What a lot of fun that was. Can anyone imagine me in a stiff full circle petticoat and a full circle square dance dress? Any doubters--I have the photos!

Snow in St. Louis, MO and not in Cedar Rapids, IA? What is happening to the world? That is unheard of! Absurd! (You knew I had to get that in there, didn't you?)

Well, I'm back. Hopefully, I will continue on with this absurd thread for y'all. I need to sign off so that I can begin my annual Christmas/New Year's letter.

Absurdly,
Pat

What's worse that a boring blog?

2010-04-21T20:43:00.002-05:00

Okay--what is worse than a boring blog? A mediocre blog that never gets a new post. Sorry about the sabbatical. I discovered that my funny bone took a vacation and left me "humerous"-less. Sorry. Well, not really. I thought it kind of funny.

There has been so much going on--a vacation, a new play for Len, wedding plans. What can I say? ". . . but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped."

Re-visited Washington, D.C. which is where I was two years ago when I started this blog. And went to a Renaissance Convention and had a great time at the masked ball. Loud, raucous music, Len and Megan. What more can a crazy woman ask for? Found a new Ren Faire costume (it's Megan's fault!!), found a lot of new music for Len. Ah, contentment.

Today is National Kindergarten Day and National Chocolate-covered Cashew Day. And tomorrow is National Jelly Bean Day. (Shouldn't that be on Easter?)

Well, talk at you later,
Absurdly,
Pat

Leonard Pitts is da man!

2010-02-14T22:45:00.003-06:00

Sunday, February 14, 2010, Cedar Rapids Gazette, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, by Leonard Pitts:

"So no, this is not a clash of ideologies, but a clash between intelligence and its opposite. And I am tired of being asked to pretend stupid is a virtue."

Thank you, Mr. Pitts for so eloquently expressing something that I have been feeling for the last month or so. I am so very tired of dumbing down what I say, what I think and what I write. I may not be a nationally known politician or author, but I am insulted by people who criticize me for using my knowledge and vocabulary in every day conversation.

No, I don't usually spout words like erudite and hellgrammite in everyday scenarios. But if I do speak the speech trippingly from my tongue, please don't assume that I am being snobbish--my parents never used baby talk and I grew up hearing these words on a daily basis.

So, if you don't understand what I mean, please ask, politely. I will be happy to re-phrase. Or, heaven forfend, you can use a dictionary--there are even several on-line to help you.

By the way, my momma raised me to be polite, too. How about yours?

Absurdly,
Pat

The Absurdities of a Sunday at HPL

2010-01-17T17:00:00.004-06:00

The inside book drop is completely full--it is overflowing. And people try to shove more in.

You tell a patron that the library is closed and he ignores you and comes in anyway.

Many patrons say "I thought you were open until (fill in your own time here)." The library has been open from 1 until 4 pm on Sundays for over 10 years.

A patron finally pays over $60 in fines so that her daughter can check out a book for school--5 minutes before closing. Then asks for help in finding an "easy" play for this young adult to read.

Patrons call on a Sunday with a list of 5 books to place on hold--we have a line of 15 people waiting.

Our gate count for Friday was 248. We had 4 staff working all 7 hours. Today we had 163 (plus the phone calls) with 2 staff and 3 hours open. Do the math.

A patron puts a book on hold last summer and wonders why we aren't still holding it for him.

Every third patron says, "Sure is busy in here today."

Sundays sure have become busy around here. Absurdly,
Pat

January 2010

2010-01-02T12:37:00.004-06:00

What a rush! The new year has finally gotten here and it's -8 degrees in sunny Hiawatha. What more could we ask for? Well, let me count the ways.

We could ask for just a bit warmer weather. The -8 isn't the problem. It's the wind chill that hurts. You know it's cold when the inside of your nose freezes. (Thanks to Calvin and Hobbes for that observation!)

We could ask for me to stop posting strange National Whatever Days. No--wish not granted. Oh, January 4 is a very busy day. Just read these gems: Congress Assembles Day, Dimpled Chad Day, National Thank God Its Monday! Day, Trivia Day, World Hypnotism Day. Again, what more could we ask for in a day? It's ripe with conversation starters.

Just imagine congregating around the coffee pot at work (or where ever you all do your on-the-clock gossiping) and start another endless discussion about those hanging chads. It's a conversation (argument?) that is still full of vigor and vinegar after all of these years.

January 7 is intriguing, also. Not only is it my 32nd anniversary, but we moved into this house 12 years ago, and our cat will be--approximately--12 years old. But, ironically, it is also "I'm Not Going to Take It Anymore Day." Heads up, dear spouse, your life could change in ways you can't possibly imagine. Or mine could. Whichever.

Now, onto Library news. That's it. Nothing new. Check in, check out. Oh, wait. Last week the New York City Library's circulation program crashed! Woot! It seems that their program is directly connected to their library service provider and the service provider experienced a major crash. Wow! Oh, by the way, half of the libraries in the United States (including Hiawatha!) are directly connected. Yes, our circulation was offline, also. Such is life.

New Year's predictions: the circulation will increase at the Hiawatha Public Library. The number of staff members will remain the same.

That's all for now. Happy New Year!

Absurdly,
Pat

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

2009-12-17T23:47:00.004-06:00

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

For those who did not have time to "Rage, rage against the dying of the light", I will rage for you. For those whose life ended with a gasp and a last breath, I will rage for you. For you, John, whose light will never shine again, I will rage for you.

I will protest the extinguishing of your light from the mountain top, because you, of all of us, were the gentlest; the kindest; the most compassionate. All lights burn less brightly because you are not in this world. The creatures of the earth, the birds of the sky, the earth-bound, trudging humans are less without you.

As you lived, you died. Gently, without fuss, without fanfare. There is tragedy in our lives now, where before there was just the progression of life: birth, age, death in the autumn of years. Now we know the taking of a good man before his time. We are diminished.

John, the world is sad. You are loved. You are missed.

Absurdly,
Pat

Weather or not

2009-12-09T11:31:00.002-06:00

Snow is dangerous. Blizzards are dangerous. Ice is dangerous. We all understand that. Shoveling is a pain, and very hard work. Again, we all understand that.

But for people wanting special privileges because of the snow is absurd. "I can't get there because of the snow." I understand. I really do. Stay off of the streets. It really is dangerous.

But please don't cry when life continues to move on. Please don't expect whole cities to close down to stop your fines from accumulating or whatever you think should be done for you.

Please don't be absurd. That's my job.
Pat

Have a nice week

2009-11-15T15:12:00.006-06:00

What a great week! Washington High School, Cedar Rapids, Iowa just finished their run of the Sondheim play "Into the Woods." It was a great cast with sooo many talented students--cast, pit and crew. I can't say enough about the wonderful experience it was. I am very proud to have been a part of it (just a couple of the costumes).

Ah, November 17 is National Homemade Bread Day, November 18 is Married to a Scorpio Support Day, November 19 is "Have a Bad Day" Day, and November 20 is Name Your PC Day. Now if you can't find something absurd in that list of national holidays, then you are as crazy as I am.

I love them all! Bread Day needs no explanation, but Married to a Scorpio Support Day is completely sane. If you believe in that sort of thing (I don't) then you have to admit that Scorpions are a volatile bunch. As I was born on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius, I have always shown confused tendencies. There are notable days when Scorpio is in the ascendency, so to speak. I am definitely recommending that my spouse seek counseling.

What more can I say about November 19. It is sooo contrary that I love it! It's a shame, though, that I can't use it at work. Just with my friends. (Yes I have a friend. A Milky White cow.)

I have already named one of my PCs at work. My desktop was once named Mavis, for reasons best left undisclosed. However, it proved to be a lot like its namesake--contrary. It eventually went to the great PC heaven in the sky. No more power surges or network problems for it. Just unlimited access to the Web and noone pounding on the keyboard.

I hope that you all "Have a nice week."

Absurdly,
Pat

2009-11-01T13:11:00.003-06:00

I am the most pathetic blogger in the world! It's a good thing that this isn't a twitter account, 'cause I'd bore people to tears. Gee!

There are a couple of absurd things for me today. One is that I caught the office cold. Clorox wipes and Germx didn't help. I have it anyway. So far it is not as bad as my co-workers, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Secondly, I spent a week with my sisters and they didn't kill me! That means that I have failed in my life's mission--to be as ornery as possible. Drat.

Halloween is past. I wanted my costume to be a pair of sterile latex gloves and a face mask, but thought that I would scare too many patrons. I probably should have worn them anyway to stop spreading my germs. Can you just see a little librarian behind the desk with half of her face covered and with gloves on? I have visions of Dexter on a library rampage. Bwa wa ha ha!

November is Peanut Butter Lovers Month. Hurricane season ends in November. My father-in-law's birthday is 11-2. Tomorrow is Plan Your Epitaph Day. Oh, there are so many more days to celebrate this month. I can't wait. Unless I plan my Epitaph and I need it sooner than expected. Hmm.

And, the most absurd of all, don't forget to vote on Tuesday, November 3. Your vote is important.

Absurdly,
Pat

2009-08-27T21:50:00.002-05:00

A quote from the TV show "The West Wing:Take This Sabbath Day":

You remind me of the man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town, and that the all the residents should evacuate their homes. But the man said, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." The waters rose up. A guy in a rowboat came along and he shouted, "Hey, hey you, you in there. The town is flooding. Let me take you to safety." But the man shouted back, "I'm religious. I pray. God loves me. God will save me." A helicopter was hovering overhead and a guy with a megaphone shouted, "Hey you, you down there. The town is flooding. Let me drop this ladder and I'll take you to safety." But the man shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God will take him to safety. Well... the man drowned. And standing at the gates of St. Peter he demanded an audience with God. "Lord," he said, "I'm a religious man, I pray, I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?" God said, "I sent you a radio report, a helicopter and a guy in a rowboat. What the hell are you doing here?"

How many rowboats does Cedar Rapids need to not re-build in a flood plain? How many inches of water does it need to rain? How many streets need to be impassable to realize that CR is built in a flood plain?

Absurdly,
Pat

Discount this blog

2009-08-11T21:27:00.003-05:00

Absurd? You want absurd?

A vendor offers a discount on all items purchase if the total price exceeds $50.00. But the $50.00 must be the sum of all items after the discount is applied, if it is applied. So, the items (at the catalog price) total $50.00. A 25% discount is applied and the total of the items are not $37.50--not $50.00. So the discount doesn't apply and you are charged the full $50.00 Oh, plus shipping (which is free if the discount applies).

Screwed both ways.

Absurdly,
Pat

Moving Day at the Library

2009-07-26T21:35:00.002-05:00

The spouse and I spent a bit of time moving some furniture at the library today. I have a bit more to move and he has some shelves to put up for me.

It's good to work there when the library is closed. Hopefully, the layout will be more efficient. It will depend on when I can finish the move.

In 1909, the F.B.I. was founded. Hmm.

In other news, tomorrow is the anniversary of the first Bugs Bunny cartoon. What year? 1940, of course!

Absurdly,
Pat

Catch as catch can

2009-07-23T18:30:00.003-05:00

Today, in 1904, in St. Louis, Missouri, the ice cream cone was invented. Way to go!

The Cedar Rapids Public Library has begun the debate about where to build the new library. It's a hot topic, and well deserves as much input as possible. Let their Board of Trustees know what you think.

This week, at the Hiawatha PL, has been a strange mix of normal and odd. It has seemed to have been a long week, but I have gotten little accomplished. I think that everyone feels the same way.

There are only 8 (or so) days left to the summer reading program. I'm sad and glad that it is almost complete. The staff has done a fantastic job this summer and they are to be congratulated. Hmm. How shall I surprise them this year?

Patrons are also to be thanked. We have a great assortment of people and they are the best in Iowa. We reached unprecedented heights this year because of them. Thank you all so very much.

Absurdly,
Pat

Breathe deep the gathering gloom . . .

2009-07-19T18:20:00.001-05:00

My favorite time of day: dusk.

Absurdly,
Pat

Something fun . . .

2009-07-16T21:44:00.001-05:00

From Facebook . . .

Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence AS YOUR STATUS. AND POST these instructions in a comment to this status.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST book.

Mine was from "Beers of North America" by Bill Yenne, and it was "Kessler himself died in 1901, but the brewery survived until 1958."

Absurdly,
Pat

Time keeps on slippin' into the future . . .

2009-07-16T21:04:00.003-05:00

Wow. Am I ashamed! There is no excuse for being so lax. Hmmm.

Well, it's time for an update! The 14th of July was Bastille Day and July 18 is National Ice Cream Day. I'll have to take one for the Gipper on Saturday, I guess. It will be a sacrifice, but I can do it!

At the library--is this the 21st century? Did I slip back through a time warp? Do some of our patrons need anger management? Our computer system/internet access at the library has had problems for 3 nights every night beginning at 5:30. Had a patron--40 ish--come to pick up a book for her mother. No card and no proper upbringing. She was furious that we had gotten the audio book for her mom, wanted the hard cover version immediately, and couldn't understand that I am totally helpless without the computer. BTW, the hard cover is high demand and couldn't possible be on the shelf.

When I told her that I needed my computer to place a hold on the book, she said, "Well, life was so much easier when everything was recorded on paper." I was afraid to move, in fear that I would laugh or cry. Either would have been career limiting.

We are doing well at the old HPL. Circulation for June was HUGE--over 30,000 items moved through our library. That is a record, in case you were wondering. We are fantastically excited about it and exhausted at the same time.

Wait until the end of August when I publish the fiscal year figures. We blew everything away last year. Just a hint: the predication that I made last year of over 200,000 items circulated was very, very wrong.

What is stranger that a pun-loving, tattooed librarian? One who passed her motorcycle safety class and owns a blue Honda Rebel. Yep, that's me. I look soooo cooool with my dorky sunglasses (over my prescription glasses, of course), my helmet, and my armored motorcycle jacket. Actually, I look kind of funny.

However, I have dropped it on its side 5 times (in parking lots) and I have decided to not ride it any more. I love riding on the back of my husband's cycle, but don't want to be in charge of one. Darn!

I guess that I wrote about the motorcycle just after I passed my class. It's hard to admit that I am not successful at this.

Read "The Help" by Kathryn Sockett. Read "Firefly Lane" by Kristin Hannah. Read a mystery, a romance, sci-fi, anything. Just Read.

Makes a great motto, doesn't it?

Absurdly,
Pat

Book to Read

2009-05-22T10:48:00.002-05:00

Enough joking around.

Read "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein.

A sad, funny, upbeat story about sticking to your path through adversity.

Also a great read about race car driving and very applicable to motorcycles, too.

Just thought you'd want to know.

Absurdly,
Pat

More Absurdities

2009-05-22T10:38:00.002-05:00

What is more absurd than Pat having a tattoo?

Pat taking a motorcycle safety class and receiving her motorcycle rider license.

You see, I can ride a bicycle. Until I fall over. Falling off of a bike is painful. I have scarred knees from childhood to prove it. And marks on the palms of my hands, too. But the idea of me on a motorized two-wheeled vehicle strikes me as the heart of folly.

Until I'm on the motorcycle. Then it's sheer fun. No, I haven't mastered any of it yet. The shift pattern is so different than a car that I get confused sometimes and end up in first gear instead of second. Talk about sudden deceleration!

Then there is the brake, throttle thing. How to squeeze the front brake lever without rolling ON the throttle. Hmm. Need lots of practice there.

Oh, and did I mention that busy streets are scaring the pants off me? So far, I have stayed off of them. I'm guessing that won't last much longer, knowing my husband.

So, if you see a tiny librarian with a silver helmet on a blue Honda Rebel--either step away from the vehicle, or salute her. She can't wave back yet (I need both hands on the bike!) but I promise that I won't run you over! I hope.

Absurdly,
Pat

It's May!

2009-05-03T22:37:00.004-05:00

Woo-hoo! Finally warm weather. We have been teased then tormented by the weather this spring. Actually, I don't remember having Spring this year. Just cool, very cool, to cold.

We escaped to St. Louis last month to find warmer weather. Nope. Just more cool, very cool, to cold (with rain). :-) Drats. The irony of it all. (FYI, we had a great time!)

Today is Lumpy Rug Day. Tomorrow is National Candied Orange Peel Day.

Tomorrow is also a Monday. AARRGH! People, books, people, books, books. Cool!

We are surviving at the HPL. Very well. Summer is fast approaching and will be very busy, but we will be closed on Sundays. That will be cool, too.

This isn't library news, but odd anyway. Our little town has one week (this week, btw) when residents can put trash, as much as they want, out on the curb and the city will collect it and get rid of it. The people that drive by, stop and search through other people's trash is amazing. And awesome. This is really recycling at its best. What I don't want, others do. A lot of the stuff disappears overnight. Scavenging, recycling (and theft) at its best. What more could a person want?

Absurdly,
Pat

Stuff and nonsense

2009-03-15T00:17:00.004-05:00

The nonsense first--I can never remember my password to my blog and this wretched computer never remembers it for me. *Sigh*

Stuff--just when I start to figure out Facebook, they change it. *Sigh*

I really want to visit Britain again. *Double Sigh*

(This might be classified as Stuff or Nonsense!) I have a tattoo. On my bottom. And do not believe anyone when they tell you that it doesn't hurt. It does. It's like taking a wire brush to your skin. And tylenol doesn't help much. Neither does beer. *Sigh*

Today is National Potato Chip Day. (Only in America!)

Kennedy H.S. got robbed tonight at Wash's Show Choir competition. I think that they had more energy and better presentation than Linn Mar.

I am looking forward to my motorcycle lessons.

Now onto the library information. We have just received three new computers to replace ones that are over 6 years old. I am excited about bringing them online and mothballing the old ones.

We are as busy as ever at the old HPL. February saw about 21,000 items go out the door. That means that our staff handled those items at least twice in the month--once to check out and once to check in. However, many of those items came from CR or Marion, so we we handled a lot of them three times. I will leave the math to you.

Needless to say, 21,000 items is usually what we circulate in June during our Summer Reading Program. June, then, is sure to be horrendous.

No new undies in the lady's bathroom. However, we have a handsoap and toilet paper thief. Anyone we know? Hmmm?

Oh, you want to know what kind of tattoo I got today? It's a black cat looking out a window into a starry sky. It's tail is a question mark. I am a cat person and a mystery person.

Food for thought: why would a librarian get a tattoo? I don't know, either.

Absurdly,
Pat

Only at the Library

2009-01-20T13:03:00.001-06:00

Bright orange panties laying on the women's bathroom floor.

Absurdly,
Pat

A New Year Greeting

2009-01-01T18:07:00.001-06:00

Once again the Iowa Struttmann family has passed the Christmas deadline for the family letter. So we will bring you the second annual New Year Letter.

I wish that I could find something amusing to write about this year. Some joke or anecdote that lightens everyone’s mood. But . . .

This past six months has been full of heartache, disaster and plain hard work. On June 11 the Cedar River began to rise over its banks and continued for three days. It crested at over 19 feet above flood stage. The devastation to Cedar Rapids was enormous. In 1993 the river reached 11 feet above flood stage. We dug out then, as did everyone else, and moved on. No one could imagine water deep enough or fast enough to do the type of damage that occurred this year.

In short, Cedar Rapids no longer had a downtown. The newspaper received special permission to stay in their building—knowing full well that if their foundation gave way, as did other buildings, they would be trapped inside.

The power company, Alliant Energy, lost the first floor of their building, effectively cutting off all power to the city. The water treatment plant was overrun and outlying cities declared a state of water emergency to keep their citizens from flushing more crap into the Cedar Rapids downtown.

All the bridges were closed and the Interstate was the only way from one side of the community to the other.

Twelve hundred—yes 1,200—people rushed to the last working water pump at 10 o’clock at night to sandbag save it from the flooding. After they finished there they moved to Mercy Hospital in a vain effort to save the first floor. Never before had one of our hospitals been flooded.

And most heartbreaking are the 5000 homes that were destroyed. Five thousand families without a place to live, to sleep, to cook or to celebrate the holidays. Six months have passed and many are still without a permanent home. The governments involved are slow to move and slow to make decisions.

Nearest to my heart, our sister library lost 90% of their collection. That loss has directly affected our library and our jobs in Hiawatha. Our workload doubled—after we were able to get the circulation program back online.

You see, the three library consortium in our area relied on server computers located at the main Cedar Rapids library. Which were not underwater, but inaccessible due to toxic waste and bad air quality in the CR Library. It was a month before the servers were rescued and up and running at about half the capacity that we needed. It was another three months before the servers were fully functional. The catalog was inaccessible during those four months.

Everything that Cedar Rapids had owned had to be removed from circulation. The remaining 10% of their collection had to be re-cataloged to their branch library. It will at least a year to decide if their building can be saved, and two more to fix it if they can save it. In the meantime, they are trying to run a library out of three storefronts in a local mall.

And most devastating of all—my dear friend and co-worker, Linda, died on November 3, 2008 from cancer and complications of MS. She was my mentor, my friend. A gifted person who brought so many things into my life. She had a wicked sense of humor that we still talk about at work. She used a walker and walked slowly. One day as she was leaving the workroom to use the bathroom our letter carrier stepped into her path. She kept on moving and “walker checked” him out of the way. Linda brought a new meaning to devotion and love. I miss her with all of my heart.

And so ended 2008. Life is not all loss and grief and pain. But I am glad that the new year is here. I have healthy and fun family. I have a job that I love and fantastic co-workers. I am truly grateful for all of the good in my life. Here’s to 2009.

Variety is the Spice

2008-12-28T17:10:00.003-06:00

I have been reading some intriguing books lately. "Wishful Drinking" by Carrie Fisher was fun. I enjoy her writing style and have read her other works. Though I usually eschew memoirs and poor little me stories, I admit that I chuckled my way through this one.

I must express my surprise that electroconvulsive therapy (or electroshock therapy if you prefer) is still being practiced in the psychiatric community. I thought that it was considered too barbaric. Boy, did I get an education from Fisher's book. It may be close to a last resort, but the statistics indicate that the hazards are better than the alternative--death. Fisher does a good job explaining the results.

Another book that I devoured was "Madonnas of Leningrad" by Debra Dean describes the Hermitage Museum in Leningrad (now St. Petersburg) during WWII. Leningrad was placed under seige by the Germans for almost 3 years. People resorted to eating boiled glue and wood chips. Millions died. The museum has a fabulous website at www.hermitagemuseum.org. I've just touched the tip of the website and can't wait to go back for more. It's a virtual tour using HotMedia. It's fun.

I've submerged myself in oldies but goodies on my Kindle. Eighty cents for four books. Hard to beat. I know--they aren't current NYTimes best sellers but they are some of my favorites. Ya gotta love your Kindle! Even Megan has been using it.

I have fallen in love with a fictional character in "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. It doesn't matter which character; I love them all. Even the rich American. He sure was an idiot, but a lot of us are. It's another book influenced by WWII but takes place after the war. So many insights into human nature. A gentle book about a very violent time. A must read.

The craziest part of the holiday is that Len is trying to watch Photoshop TV on his laptop instead of his desktop computer just so that he can be with me while I type this. It must be true luv!

Well, I'm going back to reading. Work calls tomorrow, but I still have 6 hours before bedtime. I've started "The Time Traders" by Andre Norton. It's SF and a small switch from war stories. Eclectic is my middle name.

Absurdly,
Pat

The Absurdity of Revenge

2008-12-16T21:15:00.002-06:00

I confess. Yes, two blogs in a row. I confess that I don't understand revenge or the wanton destruction of property. Especially when the property (or service) is designed for people--any people--to use freely and without cost. And for their benefit, education or entertainment.

Tonight two young patrons tilted a large, heavy TV from its stand--four feet high--onto the floor. It wasn't accidental. The TV is in the library's conference room behind closed doors. They looking for something to bother, damage or destroy. And they found it.

I imagine, though, that their joy will be short-lived. Other than a crack in the top left of the TV casing, the TV is fine. It works, it has a good picture and good sound. They were very lucky, because this is a very expensive TV used for ICN sessions. It's not easily or cheaply replaced.

They were also lucky that it did not fall on either of them. The TV is heavy enough that two police officers were needed to put it back on the stand. If it had fallen on one of them they would have been seriously hurt.

They will be banned from the premises of the library--permanently. No more movies, no more computer games, no more. Just no more. It's the end, we are finished with the foul comments, the eye-rolling. We won't need to hush them or tell them that their music--through their headphones--are too loud. They had one free chance too many. It's over.

Absurdly,
Pat

It's time to 'fess up!

2008-11-30T15:53:00.002-06:00

Okay, all you librarians. How many of you own an e-book reader? Now, how many of you have succumbed to the Kindle?

Hello, my name is Pat and I am a Kindleholic. There is no help for me. I am truly doomed. Please don't mourn for me. I am in heaven. Book heaven, that is. Wow.

For those who haven't been bitten by the fever yet, a Kindle is an electronic device designed to display books in electronic format. There have been many e-book readers developed, but I wasn't tempted until I held a Kindle. It was a sad day for my checkbook, let me tell you. I could tell you about all of the fun that I have had searching for the right books to download. Or the anticipation of waiting for that puppy do be delivered. But that part is boring. Just find someone that owns one and ask to hold it. And scroll through it. And play a little. Maybe even discover how easy it is to download something to it. And it plays audio books and music, too. Ah, paradise.

The worst part is--I'm a librarian--I'm supposed to encourage people to check out books from the library! Arrgh!

Don't despair. E-books are available through libraries around the world. And they count as regular check-outs for the libraries statistics, too. Just make sure that your e-book reader can handle the digital rights managment (DRM) app. This is an application that limits the use of electronic information--such as e-books. The Kindle cannot read anything that is DRM protected.

Ah, well. I have given in, at last, to the tech age of books. When will I stop?

Absurdly,
Pat

Reference questions

2008-11-19T12:11:00.003-06:00

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

My favorite reference question came just the other day: How far is it from Iowa to Nebraska? (For those of you who really don't know--the two states share a border.)

It's an absurd kind of day. Yesterday I spent several hours in an auditorium, listening to people receive awards for volunteering, but no one said, or had in the brochure, what these giving people had done to receive the honor. I knew what my friend had done and why he and I were there, but no one else. I guess that someone should have had a volunteer gather this info for the program. Hmm.

Today the sun is finally shining and I am back to work. Hmm, again. There is a flitterbug in here today. It just can't seem to settle to a task. I understand the desire to move and talk, but rail against the work not getting done.

Do you know the song that has the lyrics "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle . . ." Today is one of those days. But the biggest joke is probably on me. I am sometimes the biggest joker around here. Who else would blog about absurdities?

Ah, well. Time to order new books. Let's see what we can find. (The visual of hands rubbing gleefully together, with mad chortling in the background!)

Absurdly,
Pat

Linda Nash

2008-11-05T08:49:00.005-06:00

Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Thank you, Dylan Thomas. I have, like many others, loved this poem. Many people have analyzed it, lived it.

But no one lived this like Linda Nash. She fought against so many physical disabilities her entire adult life--MS and cancer just two of the many. She danced through life, teaching, loving, giving, doing.

Linda and I were so very similar and so very different. She understood me (and my moods) almost better than I did. She forgave so much. We struggled through a very difficult time, both knowing that the circumstances tore us apart, not each other. I think that we became closer because of our struggles. Linda forgave and moved on.

She had a fabulous singing voice, when we could entice her to sing. But she also listened to my "singing" at work, knowing that I couldn't carry a tune and never asking me to stop the noise. What patience!

So many memories, so many stories. So much pain in one person's life with so little complaint. Linda raged against the frailty of the human body. Her life is a joyous statement of what we can all aspire to. Her spirit burned brightly until her last day.

Rest now, my dearest friend. May peace come to you.

Linda Ione Wilkes Nash: March 20, 1949 to November 3, 2008.

No absurdities today.

Heartbrokenly,
Pat

Wrapping up vacation and random stuff

2008-10-22T20:39:00.004-05:00

Well, the pressure is on. I am back from vacation and need, really need, to update this puppy.

The vac was great! You just can't beat 5 days on the beach--plus a full moon on the beach, plus beer on the beach, plus shopping on the beach (you need to see the ring!), plus everything else on the beach. Oh, we saw my daughter and her friends, too.

Back home for a rest--hah! Paint, paint, paint. It looks great. At least it will when the window trim is on, and the new doors installed, and the baseboard is down. Hmm. Got a little carried away, didn't we?

Work is great, work is good, work is hard! Geez, you would think that I could get some rest here. Ah, there is no rest for the wicked. (That's me, for those of you who don't know me.)

We are facing a crisis right now. Our beloved cataloger, Linda, is not able to return to work due to her health. No more jokes about her body checking us with her walker, no more jokes about her love of baseball and basketball (except for cards and stuff). She has been at library for over 20 years. What will we do and be without her? I know--take her chocolate! Whee!

Hmm. Writer's block. Ah, yes, the annual report is due. Do I have any volunteers to come and do it for me this year? Anyone? Anyone at all? No one? Don't make me come looking for you. I know you are all out there.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Tomorrow is another day. A time for a random act of kindness. Or a random act of madness.

Absurdly,
Pat

Absurdly on Vacation

2008-10-13T11:31:00.004-05:00

Where do absurd librarians go on vacation? To the beach!!

Here we sit, on Huntington Beach pier, soaking in the sun. What joy, what a day, what is that? It's just a wetsuit walking down to the ocean carrying a surf board.

Yes, I know that there is so much more to do in L.A. But I didn't come to California to run around looking a touristy things and exhausting myself. Nope. Just to sit and not do a thing. Nothing. Zero, zilch. Nada.

To begin. (You know that there had to be a story here somewhere, didn't you?)

Thursday morning. What am I doing up before 10 am on Thursday? Oh, right. Flying out of THE Eastern Iowa airport. First to Dallas/Fort Worth then to Orange County, CA.

People can be so strange. We tried to sit in our reserved seats on the airplane, only to find that a grandma assumed that we wanted her grandson to be happy in our seats. Quite a bit of nerve on her part, don't you think? Oh, well. We still arrived in Dallas. No worries, Mom.

Small problem in Dallas. The mechanics couldn't get the gas off of the wing. I think that they lost the gas cap and didn't want to admit it. But they boarded us, got us all seated with everything stowed in the above the seat compartments, then told us that we needed to change planes because of "a problem."

People watching (and listening) is so much fun. We were almost to the new gate when a fellow passenger closed his cell phone, walked next to us and asked, first, where our new gate was, and then asked why we got off the first plane. Wow. We could have told him anything and he would have believed us!

Enough for now.
Absurdly,
Pat

What, me, forgetful?

2008-09-22T15:43:00.004-05:00

Finally.

I forgot my password. It figures! I really should find a way to save these dratted things somewhere.

Sorry that it took so long to get back to the blog. I've had the blahs for awhile.

I just reviewed the notes that I took at Computers in Libraries convention in April. What a great time that was. So much information and so many things to learn. I'd do it again in a second.

Time to bring everyone up to date on the wild goings on in the library. ---Do you want a repeat? Oh, right. I shifted all of westerns, sci-fi and mysteries last week. Woo-Hoo! I will start on fiction later this week. See, lots of excitement here.

It's time to start the official annual survey. Really big deal. Funding and all that rot. The report really is fun. And it's great to see the jumps that we have made as a library.

Nothing truly absurd is happening here. Unless you count the national election. Oh, boy is this going to be some race or what? Can't wait.

With that thought,
Absurdly,
Pat

Out of control . . . again

2008-07-31T22:39:00.002-05:00

It's the bottom of the ninth, your team is losing by one run, bases loaded, two men out, the call is 3 and 2. You step back into the box, widen your stance, you swing and miss . . .

Damn!

Sounds just like the rest of our lives right now. Too much, for too long, for too little, for too many and way too late.

So, what's the answer? . . .

Just breathe. Don't anticipate. Don't expect. Don't wait.

Doesn't always work. Not even half the time. Then find a 'screaming tree.' That's a tree, or a shrub or a rock or a blade of grass. Whatever you can find. Take it somewhere that no one can hear you or worry about what comes out of your mouth.

Then scream, yell, shriek, talk, cry. Anything to release tension. Yell at your mom or your husband. Say anything that you want. Remember, nobody is anywhere near to hear what you say. Your screaming tree (or rock) won't repeat it either, I promise.

If this doesn't help at least some, then I recommend a visit to your doctor and ask for medication.

Absurdly,
Pat

Bad, bad, bad jokes

2008-07-30T20:01:00.004-05:00

Today is National Cheesecake Day. It's also the last day of the US Scrabble Open--I get triple trivia points for that.

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"

Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."

Absurdly (with snickers),
Pat

Reminiscing

2008-07-19T17:44:00.002-05:00

This time last year Len and I were returning from Wales. What a trip. It was the trip of our lifetime, probably never to be repeated. I have a hard time believing that we actually saw the places that we had only read about

The meadows and stone walls are exactly like the pictures we have seen in books. The moss and the winding roads are exactly the same. Imagine taking an ancient track down a mountainside, paving it, posting a sign that the road narrows and turning loose tour buses, delivery trucks and unsuspecting tourists to navigate it. Remember--it's only one lane wide!

Last year, all of England was flooded. We drove through rain for 10 days and, as we drove closer to London on our last two days, the water began to cover the dual carriage way. (Interstate to us Yanks.) We were supposed to spend a day at a Renaissance Faire. We arrived, only to find the entire estate flooded--the result of the river escaping its banks and inundating the entire castle estate.

I sure hate feeling like a Jonah--flooding where ever I spend my summer! Could it be my fault? I know that I jinx (and sometimes intimidate) computers. But can I hire out as a bringer of rain? I draw the clouds, then quickly move on before it rains too much? Hmmm. Probably not. It's only been two summers--oops, forgot the flood of '93--three summers that I have had this effect.

Can I count the winter of 1984 or 1985--the year that it snowed in Phoenix, Arizona? I was there. Really, I was. No, they had snow in 2006, too.

Well, I am giving up that idea. Sure can't quit my day job without better statistics than that. Drat!

What other abnormal properties do I possess? The ability to piffle on paper. I'm the official library paper piffler. The Master Paper Piffler. Not to belittle my other title, The Supply Goddess. They constitute separate but equal levels of authority. I grandly order the paper upon which I piffle. A recursive position, wouldn't you say?

Next. Well, I'm semi-displaced. I never know where I will be when I go into work. Displaced by the flood without loosing one single possession. I just lost position. Tee-hee.

I'm changing my name. I'm not going to tell anyone what my new name will be, but I no longer answer to the name Pat, or any derivative of Pat. (Except when Jeaneal uses it!)

What a bittersweet summer this has been. I love the warmth, the sun, the storms. But all of that has brought heartbreak to so many people this year. I have met many people this summer. They are all fabulous people, people who have stared adversity in the face and haven't flinched. Wonderful people. Thank you for being you.

Well, I must leave off this epistle. I, surprisingly, run out of piffle.

Absurdly,
The Librarian formerly known at Pat

It's been a month . . .

2008-07-09T09:06:00.003-05:00

Rumors. . . Right now that is all we are hearing. No definite answers, no resolutions, no nothin'.

I have only been inconvenienced by this flood. Just a bit of water in the basement, easily dried and cleaned.

I have only been inconvenienced. Just a feeling of the world being slightly oblique and tilted. My life is usually that way, but now it seems to be a permanent part of my being.

If I am inconvenienced, what about the thousands without homes and jobs? What about the hundreds of people coming into our small library who a so very cheerful with our staff--who have lost everything? How can they remain optimistic? Hopeful?

The latest rumors, in the Gazette, indicate that the Cedar Rapids Public Library may no longer have a budget. That their recovery is hindered by lack of interim funding. They, apparently, are not a "necessary service of the city in terms of public health and safety."

Tell that to the hundreds of new patrons that the Hiawatha Public Library has been seeing every day for the last month. Tell that to the people who need to contact government organizations through the Internet and have no access to the Internet other than at the libraries. Tell that to people who now have no homes or telephones that they cannot contact family members in other areas that they are okay and need (or don't need) help. Tell that to the waiting lists that the Hiawatha and Marion libraries have for their Internet computers.

Not a necessary service--my asterisk.

Absurdly,
Pat

Yours, mine and ours . . .

2008-06-20T20:51:00.005-05:00

Have you ever played a 'yours, mine and ours' game? You know, where we play by my rules or we don't play at all because the game is mine and I'll take it home if I don't get my way? Or the it's mine, but you can have some, but only if . . . You get the idea. It's a terribly selfish way to live.

Who would have thought that librarians could have that attitude? Our lives are built on the premise of helping others. Why would any of us so totally lose sight of that basic way of living--to move so far off base that we are not recognizable to each other?

Just damn.

Absurdly,
Pat

Floods

2008-06-14T09:39:00.003-05:00

My career, my love, my delight. The flooding of the Cedar Rapids Public Library has affected all areas of my life. I can't remember a time without a library.

First the bookmobile that had been organized by a wonderful man named Tom Dolan in a little town called Arnold, MO. Books and more books. My childhood eyes saw riches in that small van, while my adult eye 'knows' that there might have been 150 books there. But I still see the world through those child's eyes.

The St. Louis County Library, the grade and high school library. College libraries all across the country. (I collect library visits like others collect coins or figurines.) The very, very new Fairfax County Library where I was welcomed as a fellow librarian, given the grand tour into the library depths, and handed their timeline for building a new library. (Thank you, my sister, for thinking of that visit!)

My children grew up with CR Library storytimes and summer reading programs. They are both avid readers and both worked (one is still working) at their college libraries to help them get through college. They are devastated by the idea that thousands of books are lost.

So am I. I am longing for the river to recede so that I can volunteer to start the clean up. I yearn to work along like-minded people to bring back the repository of information and learning that thousands of us need in our lives. I will drag my family and friends along to help (unless they are working at TCR for their clean up).

It's time to stock up on gloves and stuff so that I can leave my job at the Hiawatha Public Library and head downtown to salvage what can be salvaged.

Absurdly, and very sadly,
Pat

Several absurdities

2008-06-11T21:55:00.003-05:00

First of all, patrons are the lifeblood of any library. They are the ONLY reason that we are there. They enjoy what we do for them and enjoy our 'product.'

However--(there always is a however, isn't there?)--some patrons are more lovable, or cuter, or daffier than others. Then there are the very interesting ones.

We hear almost anything at the library. We are like hair stylists and bartenders and others that hear the most intimate details of people's lives. We become more than a library assistant. We become someone to listen. Most of us (though not all, by any means!) love to talk about our lives. And librarians learn to listen and listen well. After all, it's part of our job (and our joy, too).

These are good people. All of our patrons are good people--some where, some time. But I had a patron who wanted to strike a bargain. He promised that this was the first time that he had ever had a fine and he had learned his lesson. He offered to pay $10.00 of his $25.00 fine and that he would never have another fine. He promised.

Ho, boy. He was 20-something and thought that was all he needed to do. Again, ho, boy. Can I pay half of my mortgage next month? I've learned my lesson. Life is tough and I promise not to have another mortgage with this company again. Go figure.

Absurdity number 2: Envision trying to eat a Dilly Bar while checking in books. Ha! It can be done! The chocolate covered bars, not the caramel!

Absurdity number 3: Very carefully and permanently attaching a wood shelf to metal shelf supports and then precariously hanging it on unstable shelf uprights. Disaster waiting to happen. Husband to the rescue (at least as soon as he can!).

How many more strange things do you want to read about. Just tell me. I'll do my best to come up with more information than you could possibly imagine. Just leave a comment for me.

If you dare.

Absurdly,
Pat

It was . . .

2008-06-08T12:55:00.000-05:00

It was a dark and stormy night when the lights went out—not those old incandescent lights or the fluorescent bulbs, but the new ‘full spectrum” bulbs that you buy at specialty stores (you can’t get them at Wal-Mart, you only get the cheap knock-offs there) that last five or six years and save lots of money and are cute because they are curly, like a pig’s tail but not as smelly if you know what I mean, but are harder to dust than the old roundish light bulbs—and shot echoed in the darkened room—not the stygian dark of Hades . . .

Absurdly,
Pat

Humor (less is more)

2008-06-04T21:59:00.004-05:00

The mind is a blank slate. Someone, please, write on it! I have nothing intelligent to write about, but here I am typing away. Stupid, absurd, foolish. (All of the above, none of the above.)

There is, in everyone of us perhaps, the need to create something. Chaos is usually my weapon of choice. And that is what this blog is tonight. It is about nothing--and maybe that is more important that most of us know.

Nothing settles the mind. Nothing calms. Nothing becomes the goal. A total leaving of life behind. A chance to recoup peace. (What a cliche!) But one that is more imperative as this year moves through its seasons.

There is no reason for this attitude. It just is. We just move through our days with little purpose other than to make it to the evening.

Okay, enough is enough. Just get a grip and cheer up!

Philosophically and absurdly,
Pat

Miscellany

2008-06-01T19:47:00.007-05:00

Happy June 1st! It is National Dare Day. Don't believe me? Look it up. Go ahead, I dare ya!

Enough already. Warm weather is here, finally.

Len just replaced two CD drives at the library for me.

We saw "Indiana Jones and the
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" last night.

And tomorrow begins the 2008 Summer Reading Program (SRP). Drum roll, please. This event consumes the time and efforts of all of our library staff. Nothing gets done during these eight weeks other than children's programs and checking in/out. It is amazing that we usually have between 600 and 700 people walk in our door the first day of SRP. And we are here to help them have fun reading.

It is a two-edged sword, what we do here. We reward children for doing what, to many, is already a natural, fun endeavor. Are we reinforcing the commercialism of doing good only for profit? Or are we helping these children make good choices? Truly, what exactly are we doing? What do we think that we are doing? Our intentions are good, I know. But the questions still remain.

The adult SRP is really no different. This year we are giving away a pot of garden goodies--plant stake labels, seeds, garden snips, gloves, and more. The adults have fun with the drawing "trash can" and 8 people are tickled to win. Again, there are questions in my mind.

Nothing more to think about tonight. Work tomorrow, workout tomorrow night.

Sounds good.

Absurdly,
Pat

Mags . . .

2008-05-24T20:46:00.003-05:00

Magazines. I am so tired of mag titles that I could just scream.

I am trying to bring our mag collection into the 20th century (notice that I am not even asking for the 21st). All I want to do is put the magazine records into a database so that all of us can access it at work. And work it is. We have around 120 magazines. I need to do data entry on every issue number, the date it was received, the volume number, the location of the issue number in the magazine, the expiration date, the customer service address and telephone number, the frequency of issues, the single issue price and the annual issue price.

What fun! And absurd. And ridiculous. Sounds like real life to me! Ain't it grand? Some things we do because we like to. Some things we do because we must. And some things we do because that's the way it's always been done.

Today is National Tiara Day. I can't wait to get mine out of the closet and wear it. Well, it is 9 pm so it could be uncomfortable in bed. I'll see.

I tried on one of my mustaches on Thursday at work. I'm afraid that I really confused two little girls. However, the boss didn't laugh. She was determined not to.

Had two girls today ask what eccentric meant. They had looked it up on Dictionary.com and the fourth entry was "machine". I had written on my photo at work that my husband was eccentric and they wanted to understand why. They completely skipped the definition of deviating from the norm and wanted to know about my machine husband. He's a computer jockey, but hasn't become a cyborg. Yet. Hmmm.

That's all for now. My robotic spouse is ready to watch a movie. "I, Robot" I presume.

Absurdly,
Pat

Vacation and more

2008-05-20T10:34:00.002-05:00

Today is National Eliza Doolittle Day. You know, from the movie "My Fair Lady." The Hollywood version of the Svengali story. Well, just look it up if you don't know the story. You're on the Internet for goodness sakes. Use it!

The blog and I were on vacation for a week or so. I hit the library again on a Sunday. Blech!

Does anyone know why squirrels chew on gutters? We have one that loves our gutters--except when Len spreads Tabasco sauce on them. I guess that they don't like spicy foods.

A word for the day: sarcasm
--harsh or bitter derision or irony.
--a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark
Origin: 1570–80; sarcasmus, sarkasmós, deriv. of sarkázein to rend (flesh), sneer

Wow--who would have thought that most of my conversation was flesh rending. I feel as if I should be on an episode of "Criminal Minds" or "CSI." Yuck. Who have I flayed alive lately? Hmm. It's too long of a list. Maybe that's why I have been reading a lot of odd non-fiction lately.

In case you have a few spare minutes, and have an inquiring mind and a taste for the latest cop shows, here are a few reality books for you to read. "Stiff: the curious lives of human cadavers" by Mary Roach, "Aftermath, Inc: cleaning up after CSI goes home" by Gil Reavill, and "Never Suck on a Dead Man's Hand and Other Life (and Death) Lessons from the Front Line of Forensics" by Dana Kollmann.

Absurdly,
Pat

National . . .

2008-05-01T21:37:00.004-05:00

Why use the title "Pat's *Asterisk"? Because it's absurd? Unexplainable? Because the blog omits a lot?

Nah! I just like the sound of it. And I can point out some of the insanity of the library and/or a librarian's life.

(Speaking of asterisks and insanity, if you love libraries and have never read the online comic strip "Unshelved", give it a try today. Follow the link http://www.unshelved.com. I hope that you like it!)

Here is an absurd photo. It's our library guard sheep!

Well, May is "National Older Americans Month." Tell me--who qualifies as older? Older than what? The sun, my cat, my husband? (Doubtful, that last one!)

Let's get down to weekly: this week is National Fairygodmother Week. Can't wait to see my presents!

You want Daily? I'll give you Daily. Today, in addition to being plain old May Day is, (wait for it. Drum roll, please) World Asthma Day and National Executive Coaching Day. How many executives can you coach, anyway?

What does this have to do with libraries? A lot and a little. (That was a typical librarian answer, by the way!) We get strange questions like this all of the time. Maybe not this particular one, but odd nonetheless. However, it is an absurd bit of trivia so it appealed to me.

Just to let you know, May 2 is National No Pants Day. Good luck with that one!

Absurdly,
Pat

Dragon my . . .

2008-04-25T15:59:00.003-05:00

What a tail of woe! Or oops! Or whoopy! I made a dragon tail! (and added eyes and ears and tongue to the head.)

Strange story of the week. After coming off cloud nine--the conference--last week was long and hard at work. But a miracle happened and I made a dragon tail out of green fake fur and foam rubber for a local high school.

I have never had so much fun. One of our local high schools (Cedar Rapids Washington rules!) is putting on a children's theater of "The Reluctant Dragon". And wouldn't you know it--they needed a dragon costume.

Pat Lammers designed the dear creature and drew the pattern pieces. She created the best dragon head ever--it looks just like the picture on the front of the book by Kenneth Grahame. Awesome work, Pat!

So, if anyone needs a break from the daily check-in, check-out grind, volunteer. Do something that is so out of your comfort zone. You just might like it.

Absurdly yours,
Pat

Back in the Real World

2008-04-18T10:26:00.002-05:00

I'm back from Computers in Libraries and am sooo pumped. I have so many ideas--and of course no time. Karma.

This blog is the first step in getting the word out. I will be posting new purchases and new ideas. If there is something that anyone wants to see, just leave me a post. I'll do my best.

Podcasting is my next passion. Yep--you may soon hear my dulcet voice coming to you over the 'net. He he. Watch out world. What would you like to hear? Let me know.

After that I will be exploring better marketing through the web. Wish me luck!

Geocaching

2008-04-15T20:09:00.001-05:00

Geocache classes in the library--What a fun idea. I have a contact from an Indiana librarian who is excited about sending me information on holding a class. I really am excited about this. Do we have a geo-cache society in CR? Bet we do. Will Molly help? She's awfuly busy. But I'll ask anyway. The contact's name is Michelle M Evans from Jasper County Public Library.

Mommy Make It Stop!

2008-04-15T20:06:00.000-05:00

My computer is possessed. Really. But only at 3:15 in the morning. Flashback--CR flight has been cancelled and I am sleeping at the Ramada Inn MOA. I checked e-mail, played a game or two, and told my computer to hibernate. Sleep comes slowly, but eventually I drop off.

What?! Okay, I'm awake. It's 7:45 already? Damn. No, that's not my alarm clock. It's my computer! Why are you turning on my rotten, noisy screen saver? (Note to self. Change that screen saver as soon as self can. It's obnoxious. Grr-arrgh.) Why are you on? I turned you off. I know that I did.

Crawl out of bed. Try to see the screen, but my glasses are on the table on the other side of the bed. Tough, fake it, squint. The blasted thing just finished updates? At 3 am? Abort, abort, abort. Too late. The updates are almost finished and there is no point in trying to stop it.

So I sit down to wait for my baby to restart. And wait. And squint. And wait. Finish, already. Please. Pretty please. It's 3:20 am for goodness sake. Please finish. Ahh. Complete, restart, shut down and back to bed. It's about time. Really, timing is everything.

The Strange Case of Hellish Nell

2008-04-15T20:03:00.002-05:00

The conference is over and my sister, Mareda, has taken me into her home. How do I pay her back for this hospitality? By supporting her warped sense of humor, of course. Be patient, her joke comes near the end of this blog.

What can I say? My sister and I are pure evil--and then some. On Friday, we visited the Lincoln Memorial, the Korean War Memorial and the FDR Memorial. All were fabulous.

The Lincoln Memorial deserves so much more time than I gave it. I was in a hurry because Tom was driving in circles, looking for a parking space. (He never found one!) But I am, nevertheless, overwhelmed. I really want to go back. Someday . . .

The Korean War Memorial is practically indescribable. Nineteen gray statues in a field, with full kits. (The Things They Carried.) An onyx wall on the right with gray images etched onto it. They are ghostly and ethereal. As you move up the walk they fade in and out.

Each statue has his own small spotlight. We were told that these lights would come on after dark and turn these inanimate statues into spiritual beings, moving many visitors to tears. The water in the reflection pool flows away, over a smooth edge, to recycle around and begin its journey once again. Someday . . . I will see it again, and after twilight.

The Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial covers over 1/4 of a mile. Each section depicts parts of FDR's legacy, with one section devoted to Eleanor. The book and gift shop is small, but well supplied with intriguing books into FDR and his terms of office. Mareda bought a book entitled The Strange Case of Hellish Nell, the story of a woman tried in Britain during WWII as a witch. Which leads to why we are going to go straight to Hades.

On Saturday, Mareda and Tom had Leo, Rebecca and their wonderful sons, Sebastian and Max, over for dinner. Very informal and relaxed. As we munched chips and guacamole dip, Mareda asked Leo if she had ever told him the story of our grandmother who had been tried as a witch, in Britain, during WWII. As he said no, she told him the story about "grandma" the psychic. As proof, a book had been written about her. Poor Leo didn't stand a chance when I corroborated her story.

Leo is adamant--Mareda and I are doomed to the pits of despair and eternal damnation. But what a great reason for going!

Lids on the Toilet Seats

2008-04-15T20:01:00.001-05:00

I'm still at the Computers in Libraries conference:

Can anyone explain to me why there would be lids on the toilets in the men's room stalls but not in the ladies' room? After all, men forget to put the seat down, much less a insignificant lid. (Lest you worry about my knowledge of the men's room: The conference organizers changed the men's room into a ladies room for the duration of the Computers in Libraries 2008 conference.)

It's Only 5 Blocks

2008-04-15T19:54:00.003-05:00

I flew out of Cedar Rapids to attend a Computers in Libraries conference.

As I landed at Reagan National Airport in Washington, D.C., I was concerned how I was to get to my hotel, the Radisson on Jefferson Davis Highway. I had read the Radisson's web-site and found nothing. There was no hint. The previousThursday morningI called the Radisson to verify my reservation. I also asked about a shuttle. Yes, there was a hotel shuttle that ran from 7 am to 11 pm on the weekends. Great.

I retrieved my luggage and moved outside into the glorious, sunny and warm afternoon. I discovered the shuttle kiosk and began my wait. And my wait. And my wait. Other shuttles came, disgorged, inhaled and moved on. I admired the bursts of spring colors. I waited. I talked with other waitees. I waited. I explored the slightly dirty kiosk. And I placed a bet with someone that the 20 teenagers walking up would be going to my hotel and not hers. She lost--the kids got on the shuttle to her hotel.

Ah ha! The Radisson van was sighted. I flagged it down--"But," said the shuttle driver, "you must call the hotel to be picked up!" I convinced him to add me to his less than full load and we soon arrived at the Radisson.

Sunday morning--A light breakfast ($10.00 for a continental bit of cantaloupe and a cup of coffee) and off to the conference. It's raining and I ask the concierge if the shuttle would drop me at the Hyatt. "It's only 5 blocks. You can walk." But, you see, it's raining. "It's only 5 blocks. Look, you see the Hilton. It's only 4 blocks after that. You walk." It is still raining. "You go to the gift store and buy an umbrella. It's only 5 blocks."

Off to the shop, buy the umbrella. Step outside and the shuttle driver asks if I need to go to the airport. No, I would like to go to the Hyatt and was about to walk there. "But," he said, "It's raining!" I agreed. He then said, "Get in and I will drop you off after I go by the airport." Wonderful!

My conference on Sunday is halfway through and we break for lunch. It is still raining and I ask the Hyatt concierge if the Hyatt shuttle would drop me off at the Radisson. "You walk--It's only 5 blocks" I gave up and walked. After all, it was only 5 blocks!

Do Not Walk Outside

2008-04-15T19:49:00.002-05:00

On April 5, 2008 I flew from Cedar Rapids to Washington, D.C.

"Do not walk outside." Who am I to disobey directives by the FCC, but when I read this on the wing of my airplane I began to worry about other passengers' common sense.